Kaitlyn (sweetinsanity00) wrote,
Kaitlyn
sweetinsanity00

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I'm Just Sitting In My Car And Waiting For My Girl.

yesterday i watched harry potter. gooooood movie. than i got high. today i took egg photos and watched batman begins. gooooooood movie duh. I could watch that movie a million fucking times. Tonight I ate sushi. Yesterday I was at the mall... than I slept over natalies. I cant remember anything. nothing. I can't remember what eles... ah yes thanksgiving. and than thanksgiving#2. my lips are too chapped. I want to love. I'm ready to be loved. I hate reality. I honestly do. why am I sitll alive? pure curiosty, and maybe alittle bit of will. but theres nothing life is for. honestly. I've been so happy. I'm glad. I don't want to fall. and even now.. I'm just so glad... I have ... flashbacks... like i know my hypocampus is being destroyed but at the same time.. i feel recreated.. reborn.. introduced to the things .. visions ... I have seen before... and theres still a conection but new conections are not alwyas bad... the search continues.. on... I love system of a down with pure passion. I love them. i loove them. and no.. i don't have the new cd... I'll get that for x-mas. I love the world, i love the life I've lived and the things I've seen. I CAN NOT FORGET THESE THINGS THOUGH. I CAN NOT LOSE MYSELF. do not forget who you are. yeah eyah lion king was sending me a subliminal life message.
Do not forget who you are.
Do not forget where you have been.
Do not forget what you have done.
Do not forget the people you have known, seen, spoken to, loved, learned from.
Do not forget your will.
Do not forget your happiness.
Do not forget what you have worked for.
Do not forget beauty.
Do not forget the touch and smell in those few memories left.
Do not forget the emotions, memories... in the music you hear.
Do not forget the sounds you have heard.

Don't forget the snow... the sky long car rides.. giggle fits fights tears.. love... parties.. grandparents... the family room.. the toys.. hte erie county fair... don't do it. don't just forget what it looks like.. be there. go there.

be complete.
don't break.
I fell.... remember?

Always return somehow..

time is terrifying..

i must not jsut focus on myself though.

"it is not who you are inside, but what you do that defines you."

and that.. funny it is being a freaking batman quote.. is still motivational.. the will i need.. to get through school. i have to be able to shoow. what i am. what I know that is up to societies standards anyway.

people say that drugs are for those who can not handle reality. but o I can handle reality.

I can kick reality's ass.

Reality isn't enough. fantasy.. books, movies, stories, music, art, visions, photos, paintings, DREAMS.
Are all, taking reality and scrambling it in with dreams.. jsut rearanging what reality has given us.. and making it.. what we know.. I think this was in what dreams may come.. how nothing is really original... only... rearranged.. altered... I mean look. what is a dragon? a dinosaur or a big lizard. what is a unicorn.. well obviously that horse with a horn..and those are the most simple of examples.... colors.. in paintings.. jsut rearranged to make something beautiful.. but reality gives us those colors in the first place. mold.. clay.. the human brain... songs.. are music.. is insane.. it has soo much... potential.. it has everywhere to go.. and us humans have to take it there..
I know i have to really.. do well in school.. to get ... passed... and i will..
i feel very strong...

I know its stupid.. but when im real depressed i force my face to physically smile.. and it tricks my brain.. it works i swear. and thats all that matters.... pills... good god... evil.. anti depression pills are evil.

drugs. take you away from reality. no matter if you used them for recreational purposes in the beginning... which i did.. they change.. all i wanted to do last night.. in the middle of the night was get high. these past days.. all i coudl think was... why can't i be high all the time? thats the mind of an addict for you.. only a taste. and even though I see it.. i have seeen into it and around it... I still can't give myself to a drug. because i won't be whole. even though.. i really love it i do. I have to keep in mind that its not the answear to everything. but it is easy and wonderful.


I am alive.... to see. I see I... I am alive to experience. thats it. not all.. but ...





don't forget. thats all. don't lose it all.

But I do think I'm going to go lose myself to some paper and a certain mechanical pencil..... or sega...
i love video games.



memory dies with time.. time creates new.. time kills you. time is your life.



I love you,
everysinglefuckingoneofyou.
good night.
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