Kaitlyn (sweetinsanity00) wrote,

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Intoxicated, With the Madness. I'm in Love With, My Sadness.

So I actualy played around with lj. I feel real accomplished cuz I acutaly did this. So i sat on this thing for liek 4 hours. yeah. man this day was so blank. I jsut sat outisde, and stuff but I felt like thats wat I wanted to do. but i should do stuff this week. I leave for ny like thursday. Aough I need jessy here. I need someone to come out here and watch a movie with me. damn you people and your being grounded. Damn my sister and her getting a job. I feel more complete tonight, like I'm set for getting back in touch with the world. School disconected myself from.. my self. and everyone else. I wanna get high. I wanna dance. I want to talk to someone for hours that Ive never talked to before. or just havn't got to know yet. I want to lay outside and watch the sky. I need someone to do these things with me. damn it. I think I would love to be high right now this second. damn. i think I'm in love with mary once more. we had such a tough break up and everything, but I came crawling back. psh. o well. i feel free. i feel lonely though. I want someone to be with me. not bee with me. but I'm in my house, in the dark, typing to myself. and i would love some kind of human other than my parents in this stupid empty building. I guy preferably. I feel weird. kaitlyn you always feel weird. i think this is the most pointless journal that I have ever written. I'm in the mood for bread and butter. the time is... 12:31 am. Am i really this blank? am i really this bland and boring... I think im thinkin like natalie.. since hse smoked pot she started talking liek me. shes got my mind set.. that im happy and sad and i want to go on an adventure... thinking crazy thoughts like that.. im def happy and sad.. and she was speaking of her lonliness.. and wat not. ha! thats all im talkin about. man. sooo. i guess im jsut here.. i need to see.. kristen, and kierra.. this week. like now. cept not now cuz i wasnt in the mood for talking to peopel today.. ya know. like alot of other days. im talking crazy. this is crazy talk.. this is maaddnesss. im mad. we'er alll mad. i want to fucking play some god damn video games but i dont haave any. >.< aw johnw offered to buy a new game and let me barrow it and the ds for again. ive been playin mario on it like all day. i duno man. i dunno.... i feel like everyhing that bothered me has been lifted so i can do the things i like doing again like .. talking and seeing people and playing guitar. yes ive been playing guitar again and you shuld all be proud that i picked the damn thing up. i wish i could be as good as tom man. if i was, then i would feel like i had purpose in life. i bet thats the only reason he feels he has purpose in life.. actually im most def positive it is. gough being that in touch with all the sounds.. all the music.. the wonderfulness i would be so happy if i could.. get into that place. but im not. but im still ok with guitar. im not bad. wait yes i am. me and manda are gonna have a movie night.. shes never seen the crow before and i have yet to see pulp fiction and the lost boys soo... yea def gonna happen but she doesnt get off grounding till sunday. pshgkg. im retarded. i want to have the ability to conect with the sound and create the sounds from my head.. i guess this is teh frustration that someone that invisions soo amny things .. but cant draw at all feels.. like tthat things holding them back.. im the only thing holding myself back ok? yeah. if anyone has a problem with me.. i would love them to talk to me bout it from now on... alriiight? yes. please do. cuz if i feel like theres a problem im jst gonna go insane.. with not knowing.. this isnt even directed at anything i just with the insecurness.. i dunno i just know how i get. im rambling and should sleep now...
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